flow of thangs.

thank goodness for my c.o. or else i'll be breaking down again.

just had a discussion so it's still test drive time. gotta work out the kinks later on. will see how it goes.

despite the move to improve processes. i'm quite pessimistic. it's just ingrained into my psyche. i guess i don't have the benefit of the bigger picture. thus i won't know what other things i could do. but limited by my supposed intelligence quotient, i kinda doubt about the things i can do.

yeah it's a defeatist approach. but not exactly unwarranted by the goings on around here.

oh. to jump or not to jump...

another second instance of ...something

i wonder if it's some sign from God. maybe i shouldn't look too much into it. but somehow, the 'similarities' are a tad unsettling. *shrug* maybe it's a shout out to keep my eyes peeled and my heart open.

well. in my understanding of our existence, i can only hope.

song of the moment

Say (All I Need)

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest My head

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

I said I all I need Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest My head

Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)

Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it

- OneRepublic -

me for me.

was just chatting with someone from dance.

i lamented that i feel too 'different' for the choreographers in the group i'm in. and she commented that i always think that way and should get past that.

i'm trying to get past such thinking. but i'm always caught in this trap. of feeling like the outsider. like i belong somewhere else. always. always. i can't seem to shed this mentality. and i can just cry thinking about it.

sigh. i guess that's where i desperately cling on to the notion that i would have someone who'd be my rock. to be there for me. instead of me for me all the time.

*shrug* the more i think, the more it consumes me.

sometimes i wonder

i don't quite know what to blog about. so why have a blog? i think i tend to have more posts when i was in my tormented phase. at least i think so. more emotions and confused thoughts to pour out.

it's like when you're pretty happy with your life, what can you possibly blog about which isn't terribly trivial?

*shrug*

as i've said. i blog so i can somehow remember what happened during different points in my life. and hell. typing away is far easier than writing. i tried keeping a diary recently. the interest died after two weeks at most. go figure.

it's black. it's white. and i digress to dance.

someone commented that i still looked like a supporter of e ruling party in my get up last sat.

oh well. at least i tried my best to look like an 'angelic' emo kid. hurhur.

unfortunately, the both of us didn't seem to be able to liven up the audience. segment dragged on for 25 min. 15 min longer than our alloted time. oh well.

the black and white theme reminded me of henry and vanessa from sytycd au. they had to choreograph a dance based on a song of their choice. which was limited to picking one out of three. and yeah. it was mj's song. check the dance out. i think they were quite innovative in trying to incorporate their individual dance backgrounds into their piece. (he's a ballroom dancer. she's a ballerina.) nonetheless, i feel rhys and jemma created the best dance out of the six pairs. anyhoo. i've gone off tangent.

and oh guess what? after dance prac, i went to meet harris at the usual spot where he and his friends meet up. but since another group of guys (who all look younger than me) has taken root there, i sat nearer to the bus stop to wait for him. i guess wearing white really made me stand out at night. (hah!) and somehow, one of the guys wanted my number.

as i told harris after he came, "once they see my face, they'd probably tell me they got the wrong person". hurhur.

you're gonna throw it all away with no hesitation

line from imogen heap's 'the moment i said it'

i feel like i should shut up. be a recluse. stone faced segala. like i should start hiding again.

gotta learn to shut my trap and not be so obvious.

it's been only a year and i can't quite stand it. is it me? do i have this constant 'one year itch'?

why am i so bothered? why?

videos

cos of my phone. i've been cropping vids and converting them. it's been a frenzy. from what i've read, the phone can take max 2gb external memory. bleargh. i guess a trip down to pearl's centre one of these days.

migraine.

had another migraine this morning. went to see the doc. got an mc. came home. and finally managed to update the blog. ain't much. but it's a start.

oh bus 502.

guess i'm not the only one.

this stomper was actually incredulous enough to highlight his own encounter to the online community.

in my case, it was a saturday night after a short dance prac. (only five of us turned up. go figure.) with the new iris system, i found out that 502 would only arrive after approximately 47 minutes. (roughly the length of time the bus journey home would take). since the other two (who i was hangin out with after prac) were at another bus stop, i decided to just pop over and chit-chat until they catch their bus.

they boardeded their bus. i walked over to my bus stop. i reckoned i had another 10-15 minutes of waiting. but wonderfully enough, i waited for only a few minutes before 502 came.

guess it wasn't really 47 minutes.

but i don't blame the stomper if he didn't wait to find out.