just as i thought

- An excerpt from "Many issues about UNSW Asia unresolved as school shuts on Friday" featured on the Channel NewsAsia website 28 June 2007 -

Over 330 applications were submitted to the local universities by students from UNSW Asia.

Many had to spend a lot of time on the applications, just a few days before their UNSW examinations.

Foreign students even had to sit for qualifying exams.

But Channel NewsAsia understands that the local universities are offering only about 20 places.

"They feel very disappointed because they felt that special consideration was not given to them as promised by the various authorities," said Angeline Tan, a UNSW Asia student.

"As a foreign student, I don't really know how the authorities work in Singapore. But when I first came here, I was quite confident they would be very reliable. But when this whole thing happens, it seems like there's no help offered from the government," said Indonesian student Teddy Setiardi, UNSW Asia.

One university said it was already bending backwards to accommodate the students, as university places are already taken up by the larger "dragon year" cohort.

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Read the different coloured text and laugh along with me. Not at the poor displaced students but at the local universities.

In an earlier post, I have already mentioned about the 'wayang' PR act put up by the local universities. And well, it has just been confirmed!

It is just cruel. Fine, you have a certain standard to uphold. That I can understand. BUT don't attempt to show that you're 'actually' considering such students when you're actually not!

Cruel. Cruel. Cruel.

odd things that i happen to like.

someone i shall nickname yt has made me squeal (softly) in delight.

his voice just lights up the dreary work day.

hahahaha. i sound so dramatic.

i've been calling people for quotations and all that. and there is a particular guy whose voice i just so so so so dig. it's quite uplifting. quite happy-happy. just plain nice.

and no. it's not as if i'm gonna call him just to hear his voice. this is just a (minor) highlight of the work that i hafta do... and *wheeee* i liiiike.

:)

i'm weird that way.

yea i know. i get into things abit late sometimes.

plainsunset - plainsunset

welcome into this place

i call my heart i call my home

just take a seat and kick your shoes off

just relax enjoy the show

it feels so good it feels so nice

when someone's standing there around

watching everything you do

everything you do

and now you've come around to me to see my plainsunset

and now you've come around to me to see my plainsunset

it feels so good it feels so nice

when there is someone there just watching over you

and everything you do

it feels so good it feels so nice

when someone's listening to everything you say

everything you say

thank you for coming here to me to see my plainsunset

thank you for coming here to me to see my plainsunset

blue gizmo. ultimate measuring solution.

As you can see. I am trying (trying is the imperative word) to focus on work. My gaze happened to land on this particular brochure for food thermometers (yes. those gadgets - if you can even call them that - have been occupying my mind for the past weeks). It seems apt for a post title trying to inconspicuously shout out that I need to pick up the slack and do actual work.

Anyway.

There have been quite a few interesting topics covered in the news lately. That elusive Richard Yong. The NETS and SCV hike this coming July. Dyslexic people. And the big hoo-ha regarding local and foreign tertiary institutions. Abdul Basheer and the utter shock of it all. When I said interesting, I meant those I personally find remotely thought-provoking or just cause for indignation.

I initially thought of starting a post on Richard Yong. You know, commenting about the incompetence of certain government agencies in preventing such a fellow from leaving Singapore. Bring up arguments like how they can 'easily' capture, convict and hang the unfortunate Vietnamese Australian guy for trying to smuggle heroin into Singapore. But not prevent someone (who liberally spent huge amounts of money donated by well meaning people) from leaving Singapore! It's like "Wahey! Raise taxes. Raise prices of goods and services. Price hikes here there everywhere. But what of the money willingly parted to help those in need? Let slip one of the parties who used such donations to their own advantage, I say!" Gaaaaah! Unfairness!

Then, a colleague said "What for complain? The man's already gone!" Bah. That totally extinguished the raging fire within me.

Yes dear Singaporeans, Permanent Residents and anyone else living in Singapore. Prices are on the up, up, up. NETS is raising their levy charges and apparently one retail store has already passed it on to its customers. I've read several comments left on the online Straits Times when an article 'exposed' the mentioned retail store. Yupz, people are not happy. And to think I didn't wanna own credit cards and stick with the humble NETS card for fear of exceeding my credit limit. One thing's for sure, the upcoming price hike will definitely NOT convince my family to subscribe to Starhub Cable.

Up next, the big UNSW fiasco. I totally laughed my head off when I read the bit about local universities offering students chances to send in their applications. Come on! One major reason why most locals take full/part time degree courses with foreign universities is because they cannot get into local universities in the first place. Even certain A Level students with outstanding results (4 As & B4) could not get into the course of their choice (maybe due to Project Work or something or other). I concede there are those brilliant ones on scholarships with foreign universities and those who wish to pursue courses of study unavailable here. But seriously, if given the chance, most of us would rather not spend that extra money, thank you very much. Yeah I hafta agree some of us didn't work as hard or maybe some of us are late bloomers. But give us a break. I know there are many poly grads who wish to pursue a higher education but unfortunately, can't do so locally.

The point is - it is such a 'wayang' PR act on the part of these local universities. (I work in a public relations department. I somewhat understand the rationale for saying certain things or doing some things for the public eye.) You were the ones who rejected our applications anyway. So why bother proclaiming to the displaced UNSW students to send in their applications? Don't crush their hearts again. I believe some of them had to deal with the sadness and disappointment of not being able to enter local universities. Don't offer the good 'deed' just so you will look like caring varsities to the public. Don't dangle the carrot in front of the students, just to snatch it away. They have enough anguish and unanswered questions to deal with.

If I were in their positions, I'd probably submit my applications to the local varsities anyway. Desperation. Hope. Anything to push away the disbelief. Would I believe they would even consider my applications, though? Not a chance.

Another central theme for today is the issue of the Iraq War. Been reading some blogs from certain Iraqis detailing their lives and sentiments. What is there to believe about the world anymore? Can be somewhat linked to the Abdul Basheer incident here in Singapore. However, that will take alot out of me. Maybe I'll dedicate one post to that someday. When I have the will to do so.

i think i need counselling.

Bah.

Someone once said to me that, "Girls from our school cannot handle failure. That's why we suck at relationships." I wanna disagree but two other girls concurred when I related those comments to them.

Bah.

However, I once overheard my AD mention to someone else that Singaporeans are not taught to handle failure. Is this really true? Were we brought up to learn to expect results and anything less just doesn't cut it? Is this a trait inherent in all Singaporeans and not just girls from my school?

Either way, it's still freaky. Freeeeeaky.

Damn. I need some book on how to handle failure. Or.. something.

i am ruining myself.

Times like these, I wish I could just shirk off responsibility, stay in bed and just cry. Think stupid thoughts and cry. Wallow in dumb self-pity. Hate myself for being weak. Cry some more. Feel fucked up for having stupid thoughts. Cry. and Cry. Cry. Cry.

I meant those words I said to you in jest. But there seems to be no point in making it up to you. Or explaining what I really meant. Because it doesn't matter anymore. My own self doubt has crept up on me and smacked me in the face, kicked me in the gut and stomped all over me. My own insecurities have insidiously taken over my whole perspective.

I keep having random thoughts that belittle my self-worth. Thoughts of never complete honesty. Of unfulfilment. Feelings of guilt. I am truly sorry for letting them out on you. Please don't ever think that I never appreciated it. I do know. And that was why I could stay on for as long as we did.

But it doesn't matter anymore.

Of course, I'm sad. I wonder how the coming days will be. But I cannot be selfish anymore. I cannot hang on just for the sake of it. I cannot hang on because you can put up with me. It's not fair to you. I feel so messed up inside. I am still trying to find me. And that's the bloody root to alot of things I guess. Concentrating on finding my ownself leaves not much time for anything else. That is why it's been so hard for me these past few days. I don't think I'm right for you. I don't think it's fair that you have to put up with me. Be with someone who can make you a better person or 'beri kesedaran'. I feel like I'm not good enough for you. Or for anyone. That's what I'm feeling. Not that you're not good enough for me.

I want to be at peace with myself. Please let me be at peace with this decision.

But, of course, it doesn't matter anymore.

What you said to me was so true, "Don't be so emotional. You can go insane." But I can't help it. That's how I am.

I am sorry.

nonsensenical.. wt!@#$%^&*()_+??

harris called me at around 1am last night and woke me up from my reverie. our usual conversation will ensue with me responding sleepily without actually knowing what i'm responding to. then. i actually mumbled something to him along the lines of "you got sell food thermometers?"

when he replied with a loud and incredulous "huh?!", i snapped out of it and said, "sorry, was dreaming." and went on, a little coherently i hope, about some other things before hanging up.

gosh. work is starting to get to me. food thermometers. bleargh.

what nonsense.