getting rid of my blue stamps

of course it's not easy to. i quite like my blue stamps and i unhealthily hang on to them. many times, i justify doing so by claiming these blue stamps define who i am. (well, of course they define me. my behaviour is directly or indirectly a result of them!) among the other coloured stamps, i find a certain comfort in the blue stamps. blue stamps resonate with me the most. i thrive on them.

i've mentioned it many times before (i think). very often i subconsciously feel like i'm outside the circle. i think i'm the odd one out, without that common interest/characteristic/background/work experience etc that would enable me to bond with others. instances where i feel naturally comfortable among people and feel accepted for who i am are very rare. i am definitely no human magnet.

these thoughts obviously govern my behaviour. i tend to not approach others for casual conversations (i plain don't know how). i prefer being at one corner by myself. at times, i even feel cornered when surrounded by people who are familiar with one another except me. i promptly shut up and not talk (much).

why is this significant? i get slightly puzzled when sincere friendliness is directed at me. on the extreme end, i get really baffled and unsettled when such a thing happens. i get lingering thoughts on this subject