goodbye, we're falling fast.

how can one person flood me with so many conflicting thoughts and emotions?

i do not want a repeat of yesteryears. can i trust myself to know that this time round IS different from before? why such a question? simply because my heart is telling me that it IS different where i am now. but somehow, i doubt can i really believe it. yeah. i am full of ambivalence.

who the hell wants to be manipulated? i know i dont. i'm not at the point where all i feel is despair and having the incessant sense of being used. i guess i'm just plain scared. or maybe i'm just one of those people who are NOT meant to be with anyone. i dont freaking know.

i was told my thoughts are fleeting. i wholeheartedly agree. i cant seem to slow down and pinpoint what exactly is the matter and what is the issue which is bugging me big time. right now, i dont even know why i got so annoyed and pissed off just a half hour ago. have i really let down my guard and allowed myself to be extra vulnerable? i dont know how it happened. but i just realised that i care too damn much. i cant be as nonchalant as i used to be. why do i fucking care so much?

is it true then? have i actually fallen?