and the collision of your kiss that made it so hard.

previous post heading was courtesy of Aiden. this one just above is courtesy of My Chemical Romance.

(that was done in case anyone accuses me of ripping off their lyrics without due credit.)

since the previous post, i met up with him four times after a real downer in the middle of last week. when thangs looked up, i guess we tried to meet up as much as possible before the fasting month.

(on a somewhat lighter note than the rest of this post) i finally went to Home last sat after the freaking Geylang light up. (totally disorganised i swear - but lets not mar this post, shall we?) he did admit he has been bugging me to go for drum & bass way before we met up at zouk. and hey, i finally found out how the ambience is at such a club. it was not too bad. way better than retro night at Dbl O!! (sorry dom) i can get used to it. and he may even be a tad disappointed that i didnt dance. all in all, his friends are a pretty nice bunch. i'm just sorry i was not more sociable. i can be shy sometimes. haha!

i gotta admit, it WAS helluva three weeks of knowing each other. it was like a ping pong match. are we? or are we not? i can feel so damn happy one minute. aloof the next. and quite messed up the minute after. it was mentally and emotionally exhausting. heck, it still is.

i know. i know. why be in a r/ship when it creates such emotional and mental stress on me? for me, it's a sign that i DO care about this r/ship. i cannot deny that he matters to me. i also cannot deny i feel vulnerable next to him. sometimes, i feel like i'm floundering next to him. trying my very best to catch up. hey. i'm 22 and there is still alot for me to learn and go through. there are just some thangs which i need to get used to.

thus, it comes as no surprise that i'm blogging because of some argument/disagreement. i just cant bear to blog about something that makes me happy. it seems fleeting somehow. i realised that it was my fault for being a prat. i tried to apologise but he hasnt responded. and i'm refraining from calling him lest it makes things even worse. i feel so bad and it doesnt help that i'm having cramps.

he's often in my thoughts even when he's made me angry or made me feel just plain lost. i'm glad the fasting month is here because (in his words) it helps slow down the pace of our r/ship and we can better decide where to go from here. i just hope that it'll make thangs all the more clearer for me.

i'm so sorry for what i've said. and i'm sorry i cannot alleviate your pain.