acceptance

note: my post headings are often random.

i don't quite know why i'm feeling the way i do. seriously, what's wrong with me? is it like a rehash of 2005? inexplicable emotions?

dv. esplanade encounter. a bit of caca connection. and now. -sigh- not my cup of tea. what's up with me? just so f-cking weird.

the almost common thang is that i'm not quite outright about my status for 3 out of 4. am i too emo for my own good?

dv. oh gosh. that was almost fan girly. went on for quite a bit. i wondered how i survived the days. quixotic notions of the "what-ifs", in short, quite extreme lala land. quite taken in by the conversations, i reckon. in the end, realised i was being foolish and it died. fast. i'm amazed how quickly i switched modes.

esplanade encounter. was the most freaky. goodness. i was really really damn naive. stupid stupid me. this was complicated by what happened in yesteryears. i thought i grew up. but unfortunately, this encounter proved how naive i was (and maybe still am) funny thing is, this encounter popped up in my life just last week. just when it totally slipped my mind...

the caca connection. somehow, i feel a tad guilty over this. i worry that my actions may be misleading. but i still act like nothing's wrong. sigh. hope it'll be chill without underlying thangs.

not my cup of tea. it's like WTF? i repeat, WTF? i'm kinda surprised by this. the only times i felt somewhat similar vibes were YEARS ago. why now? first off, i'm thinking it's the niceness. i mean. i'm so used to ppl just leaving me to my own devices. i'm not exactly a human magnet. i rarely socialise. so, to me it was quite significant that there was someone who was willing to talk to me. that much. considering we didn't know each other prior to that day.

it kinda got down to the "both of us". what really surprised me was the "where to lunch" question. and was surprised again when offered to go someplace of my preference the next day. it's like. whoa. such niceness. whooa. i mean, hey. i was happy for a buddy. how to not feel nice when there's niceness directed at you? helllooooo. fuzzy feelings, much?

but. at the back of my mind, i wonder if there's an agenda behind the niceness. yes, i mistrust ppl that much sometimes. however, i think i should just let it go and accept that [on my part] it's a genuine inexplicable like for another human being and nothing more. come to think of it, i find it an amazing sort of nice.

since i'm so bad at this socialising aspect, i am quite touched by the gesture. it left me with lingering questions for a while. but nonetheless thank you. those were some lovely moments in my life. yes, instances where strangers/ acquantainces are genuinely nice to me are damn rare.