friend

first thang. a shout out to jojo. thank u so so so much!!

gosh. i really love what he has said to me. he was actually able to make me feel complete in God knows how long. *grin*

onward Gentarasa!! and Malam Jaluran Seni II!! hurhur.

ok. enough outbursts. (off da record, i'm still not sure abt MJS II. should i take a breather or go straight on with tarian?)

anyways. my posts so far have been dismal. pa.the.tic. should i be more critical and actually come up with intellectual posts?? haha. once again, dom has not failed to make me think about the sorry state of my blog and its utter lack of content.

friend. such a simple word and often used for convenience's sake.

friend - noun. somebody emotionally close: somebody whom you trust and you are fond of.

i have often been afraid to fully trust or believe others when they claim to be a "friend". for that, i sincerely apologise to those who truly care and felt hurt when i push them away. i have always been wary of the word. somehow, i never felt really capable of making friends since young. i've always felt like the outsider. it even took me years to believe that another person can actually regard me as a friend. as someone said, i'm a tough nut to crack.

despite being socially incompetent, i've slowly learnt to open up and accepted some as MY friends. i guess i started to notice the change last year. especially so when i started my attachment at the national arts council and seated in 0107 together with the other arts fest temps. it was definitely a good time in my life and i was so grateful that some of the temps there were willing to befriend me. the fact that we still do chat with one another occasionally on msn despite being in three different far away countries cheers me up. (love u del and ricky!)

this year has been the best so far. i am quite amazed at how i was willing to talk and open up to some people. it has been quite great. i actually approached those whom i've never met in years or never met at all. it was quite a liberating feeling. some really surprised me and actually listened to what i have to say. some really offered me good advice. all made me feel so much better and helped to convince ME that i'm not such a failure. special thanks to jojo. his words were really invaluable.

thank u all. and i thank God for ur existence.