First post of 2012!
Where to start? I have been bad at updating. Partly because I was busy and partly because I didn't feel really compelled to pen down my thoughts. Usually that happens when I'm in some reflective mood and I realised for quite a long time I was too angry to really reflect on things.
Rather recently, I have taken to actually writing in a book (like how I used to do quite a bit back in school). I won't publish it here as some things are too personal to be published.
However, this time round I feel moved to blog. After reading through my previous posts, I feel this would be a good thing to do. I am amazed at how much I have moved on and accepted that certain things are just the way they are instead of being angsty about it.
Well on to the matter that has been occupying my mind recently. It has only been a few times and I do not recall how it came to this.
To begin with, I have a tendency to kinda "like" peeps based on my rapport with them, whether they're cute, helpful to me, etc. I have kinda, sorta thought someone was cute for some time but have never really spoken to the person. I had on a few occasions kinda "admitted" to someone else (in a joking manner) that I find EB cute and that I like EB. All this joke-y stuff went on even though I did not really talk to EB apart from some official capacity matters.
But on one occasion that I requested an update on a matter which EB was copied to, I was surprised EB actually followed up instead of leaving it to someone else (who was directed to do it). Hence, we spoke for a bit and at one point of time, it just hit me. At that one moment when I looked into EB's eyes was when I realised how gorgeous EB is. Not gorgeous in the sense of being good looking superficially but a truly genuine person on the inside.
Since EB actually followed up on my request and I somehow managed to get EB's help for more things, we ended up talking more bit by bit. I know myself. Regardless of the person, if I like him or her I would tend to go up to the person more often and talk/joke with them. Once again, it happened in this case. I had so much fun talking with EB that one night we ended up chatting for more than three hours straight.
Of course, I guess we could chat that long precisely because we don't know much about each other and there are lots to ask and find out. On some superficial level, we do have some things in common which are things that make many people attracted to one another in the first place. Reflecting on that night, I realised that if I were younger and have not grown as person because of H, I would've seriously have had a major major crush on EB. Obviously, we have not gone on to important things such as values we hold dearly. Maybe we'll get a chance in future. As it is, I truly like EB as a person and in a way, I do hope we become friends.
And maybe because of race/faith, our very few interactions (in comparison) so far have been more meaningful to me than whatever interactions with BA. Very likely because EB and I had conversations (funny ones!) and tried to get to know each other rather than flirty innuendo and great emotional connection for a few minutes at a time with the latter.
I hope I'm not being "too forward" but it will honestly be awesome if I gain a friend in EB and I'll be honoured if EB were to regard me as friend too. I hope it's not fleeting either as I do know that I get tired of "shiny stuff" quite quickly. On the other hand, even if it ends up being fleeting, I hope that those few interactions brought EB some laughter and happiness as EB did for me.
Rather recently, I have taken to actually writing in a book (like how I used to do quite a bit back in school). I won't publish it here as some things are too personal to be published.
However, this time round I feel moved to blog. After reading through my previous posts, I feel this would be a good thing to do. I am amazed at how much I have moved on and accepted that certain things are just the way they are instead of being angsty about it.
Well on to the matter that has been occupying my mind recently. It has only been a few times and I do not recall how it came to this.
To begin with, I have a tendency to kinda "like" peeps based on my rapport with them, whether they're cute, helpful to me, etc. I have kinda, sorta thought someone was cute for some time but have never really spoken to the person. I had on a few occasions kinda "admitted" to someone else (in a joking manner) that I find EB cute and that I like EB. All this joke-y stuff went on even though I did not really talk to EB apart from some official capacity matters.
But on one occasion that I requested an update on a matter which EB was copied to, I was surprised EB actually followed up instead of leaving it to someone else (who was directed to do it). Hence, we spoke for a bit and at one point of time, it just hit me. At that one moment when I looked into EB's eyes was when I realised how gorgeous EB is. Not gorgeous in the sense of being good looking superficially but a truly genuine person on the inside.
Since EB actually followed up on my request and I somehow managed to get EB's help for more things, we ended up talking more bit by bit. I know myself. Regardless of the person, if I like him or her I would tend to go up to the person more often and talk/joke with them. Once again, it happened in this case. I had so much fun talking with EB that one night we ended up chatting for more than three hours straight.
Of course, I guess we could chat that long precisely because we don't know much about each other and there are lots to ask and find out. On some superficial level, we do have some things in common which are things that make many people attracted to one another in the first place. Reflecting on that night, I realised that if I were younger and have not grown as person because of H, I would've seriously have had a major major crush on EB. Obviously, we have not gone on to important things such as values we hold dearly. Maybe we'll get a chance in future. As it is, I truly like EB as a person and in a way, I do hope we become friends.
And maybe because of race/faith, our very few interactions (in comparison) so far have been more meaningful to me than whatever interactions with BA. Very likely because EB and I had conversations (funny ones!) and tried to get to know each other rather than flirty innuendo and great emotional connection for a few minutes at a time with the latter.
I hope I'm not being "too forward" but it will honestly be awesome if I gain a friend in EB and I'll be honoured if EB were to regard me as friend too. I hope it's not fleeting either as I do know that I get tired of "shiny stuff" quite quickly. On the other hand, even if it ends up being fleeting, I hope that those few interactions brought EB some laughter and happiness as EB did for me.
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