tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54470132012-02-12T04:46:42.457+08:00Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.comBlogger961100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-16330311117692987972011-01-24T09:19:00.002+08:002011-01-24T11:02:05.988+08:00

The following is based on an fb message sent to a tango friend trying to explain the "dichotomy" of my emotions following one night of tango practica. Some years back (maybe it was 2009?), I recall a bit of a hoo-ha in the Malay papers over how Malay Muslims in Singapore celebrated Idul Fitri. In a commentary in Berita Harian (or Minggu?), someone was 'puzzled' that Malay Muslims do not celebrate

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-32424064644792648302009-11-29T21:26:00.002+08:002009-11-29T21:38:06.905+08:00

Maybe I'm getting more cynical in some warped way. Went to St James yesterday after almost a year of not clubbing. It was fun because of (i) the company (PS dancers rawk), (ii) the muuuuzzeeeeek, (iii) the lapse in between clubbing outings, (iv) the absolute hilarity at watching other peeps 'dance', (v) the way some clubbers dole out their suave/seductive moves and (vi) lastly how I just don't

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-40221114385321552602009-09-23T00:35:00.003+08:002009-09-23T00:40:24.064+08:00

the title above ignited the desire to blog about my thoughts which i've pushed away far too often recently. it's directly lifted from the phrase someone used to describe himself. aptly put.-------------------------------------------------------------------------as always, it started quite innocently. began with random searches for a program i've been meaning to watch ever since i found out the

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-89728867647970811842008-11-26T00:22:00.000+08:002008-11-26T00:34:30.981+08:00

of course it's not easy to. i quite like my blue stamps and i unhealthily hang on to them. many times, i justify doing so by claiming these blue stamps define who i am. (well, of course they define me. my behaviour is directly or indirectly a result of them!) among the other coloured stamps, i find a certain comfort in the blue stamps. blue stamps resonate with me the most. i thrive on them.i've

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-44405106392661666832008-11-24T22:40:00.003+08:002008-11-26T00:07:17.318+08:00

i've been crazy over this song for months. mia michaels choreographed the top 16 routine for sytycd 4 using this song. and of course mark kanemura was centrestage. (hee!) it was oddly heart piercing. it was odd because of the get up (make up and black + white coloured costumes). heart piercing because the song just is.as is (somewhat) common knowledge, i have a tendency to go for songs which

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-21336757711082858432008-11-20T00:24:00.001+08:002008-11-20T20:17:42.874+08:00

note: my post headings are often random.i don't quite know why i'm feeling the way i do. seriously, what's wrong with me? is it like a rehash of 2005? inexplicable emotions?dv. esplanade encounter. a bit of caca connection. and now. -sigh- not my cup of tea. what's up with me? just so f-cking weird.the almost common thang is that i'm not quite outright about my status for 3 out of 4. am i too emo

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-25269955843359761622008-06-04T00:02:00.002+08:002008-06-04T00:09:06.413+08:00

"Gray noted her curves as she reached up, the stretch of cotton over b... Despite all his worries, a part of him was still male enough to appreciate it... yet he was still man enough to feel guilty about it.Now wasn't the time......As he straightened and lifted her, she balanced one hand atop his head and reached ... toward the ceiling. Her left buttock was pressed against his cheek.Oh, yeah, he

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-69953546900409127502008-05-27T15:19:00.003+08:002008-05-27T15:47:19.050+08:00

thank goodness for my c.o. or else i'll be breaking down again.just had a discussion so it's still test drive time. gotta work out the kinks later on. will see how it goes.despite the move to improve processes. i'm quite pessimistic. it's just ingrained into my psyche. i guess i don't have the benefit of the bigger picture. thus i won't know what other things i could do. but limited by my

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-36030934850410675372008-05-27T15:14:00.002+08:002008-05-27T15:18:31.291+08:00

i wonder if it's some sign from God. maybe i shouldn't look too much into it. but somehow, the 'similarities' are a tad unsettling. *shrug* maybe it's a shout out to keep my eyes peeled and my heart open.well. in my understanding of our existence, i can only hope.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-20040231016742314202008-05-14T09:13:00.005+08:002008-05-27T15:14:34.636+08:00

Say (All I Need)Do you know where your heart is?Do you think you can find it?Or did you trade it for somethingSomewhere better just to have it?Do you know where your love is?Do you think that you lost it?You felt it so strong, butNothing's turned out how you wantedWell, bless my soulYou're a lonely soulCause you won't let goOf anything you holdWell, all I need Is the air I breatheAnd a place to

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-42603738400297284442008-05-12T23:33:00.002+08:002008-05-12T23:41:37.222+08:00

was just chatting with someone from dance.i lamented that i feel too 'different' for the choreographers in the group i'm in. and she commented that i always think that way and should get past that.i'm trying to get past such thinking. but i'm always caught in this trap. of feeling like the outsider. like i belong somewhere else. always. always. i can't seem to shed this mentality. and i can just

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-73831960066657232008-05-12T11:11:00.002+08:002008-05-12T11:18:53.389+08:00

i don't quite know what to blog about. so why have a blog? i think i tend to have more posts when i was in my tormented phase. at least i think so. more emotions and confused thoughts to pour out.it's like when you're pretty happy with your life, what can you possibly blog about which isn't terribly trivial?*shrug*as i've said. i blog so i can somehow remember what happened during different

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-38476232376953278572008-05-11T12:01:00.006+08:002008-05-27T15:12:45.510+08:00

someone commented that i still looked like a supporter of e ruling party in my get up last sat.oh well. at least i tried my best to look like an 'angelic' emo kid. hurhur.unfortunately, the both of us didn't seem to be able to liven up the audience. segment dragged on for 25 min. 15 min longer than our alloted time. oh well.the black and white theme reminded me of henry and vanessa from sytycd au

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-71847408821265895052008-05-07T00:09:00.002+08:002008-05-07T00:20:20.331+08:00

line from imogen heap's 'the moment i said it'i feel like i should shut up. be a recluse. stone faced segala. like i should start hiding again.gotta learn to shut my trap and not be so obvious.it's been only a year and i can't quite stand it. is it me? do i have this constant 'one year itch'?why am i so bothered? why?

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-11501757181530756162008-05-05T01:11:00.002+08:002008-05-05T01:13:27.513+08:00

cos of my phone. i've been cropping vids and converting them. it's been a frenzy. from what i've read, the phone can take max 2gb external memory. bleargh. i guess a trip down to pearl's centre one of these days.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-5243046008732025802008-05-02T14:46:00.002+08:002008-05-02T14:48:26.196+08:00

had another migraine this morning. went to see the doc. got an mc. came home. and finally managed to update the blog. ain't much. but it's a start.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-65687507733727242632008-05-02T14:38:00.004+08:002008-05-03T01:30:41.330+08:00

guess i'm not the only one.this stomper was actually incredulous enough to highlight his own encounter to the online community.in my case, it was a saturday night after a short dance prac. (only five of us turned up. go figure.) with the new iris system, i found out that 502 would only arrive after approximately 47 minutes. (roughly the length of time the bus journey home would take). since the

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-60930881620383114502007-12-27T16:53:00.000+08:002007-12-27T17:05:08.546+08:00

i watched Jaimie Goodwin's solo to this song. it may not have touched many people. but i was moved by her piece. especially after knowing her back story. reading opinions and observations about her also made the experience even more surreal. the sense of loss and longing is quite acute. so poignant. *sigh* i'm a sucker for such things. yes, yes. i admit to it once again.--------------------------

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-36908103443102458292007-12-27T15:47:00.000+08:002007-12-31T02:06:41.397+08:00

some interviewer: what's your favourite curse word?randy blythe: fuuuuuuck!! fuck!!gotta love him.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-27742420121149150482007-12-27T12:34:00.000+08:002007-12-27T12:30:20.730+08:00

although not completely debilitated by recent events, i was nonetheless quite perturbed.*sigh* unsettling. i dont know what other synonyms there are out there to fully describe what i am feeling. unease? uncomfortable? vulnerable? i dont know...it started out as some defiant act of petulance. well, i guess toying with the idea actually constitutes an actual action. (it's damn cliche but) it WAS

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-78803847123508147592007-12-16T01:27:00.000+08:002007-12-16T01:27:51.220+08:00

i am emo. but please don't associate me with the current 'emo' scene.went for the my chemical romance gig last tuesday on the 11th. looking at how popular they are among certain youngsters nowadays, i expected a humongous crowd. and well, the queue was damn long la by the time i reached expo. which was about 7.30ish? but wait a minute. long queue? apparently, throngs of people were clueless about

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-41638816921542568222007-09-03T15:23:00.000+08:002007-09-03T16:01:50.229+08:00

yes. i am desperately trying to finish up assignments. i can't concentrate on one thing. i somehow need to be doing lots of things at any one time, especially when i'm on the computer. i'd have like at least 4 Mozilla tabs open while 2 essential programs are running, trying to burn video files onto dvds, erasing unwanted files, listening to music, scanning the computer, blah blah.so yes. i was

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-13528943264419977432007-09-02T19:52:00.000+08:002007-09-02T19:57:08.614+08:00

hooked on this song. oh yay. sytycd 3 consuming my life at the mo. *sigh* i need a life.i feel so unaccomplished. i can't motivate myself. stalling...stalling... trust me on this oneyou're gonna throw it all awaywith no hesitation

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-77393146650291323322007-08-31T17:37:00.000+08:002007-09-01T00:15:43.438+08:00

it's not that i don't believe in your sincerity. it's easier to expect or believe in the worst. better still, not have any expectations. i realised that by having no expectations, it's a good way to stay sane. however, that said, i still find it easier to expect the worst with you.your words just rang true that day. i don't know how i never came to realise it. sincerity. after all the lies and

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-73161203938950842492007-08-23T10:16:00.000+08:002007-08-23T14:51:46.204+08:00

- from the Straits Times Online Forum 23 August 2007 -We need more noble teachersI REFER to Mr Jason Charles Ingham's letter, 'Teachers should educate, not just teach, students' (ST, Aug 11).As a student of the 70s and 80s, I held a high respect for my teachers. Teaching was seen as a noble profession then. Or maybe we were just a generation that followed instructions without question.Things have

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-7524165624474008162007-08-13T12:16:00.000+08:002007-08-13T15:08:39.601+08:00

those words above were said by cat deeley. and i totally agreed with her. it was during the top 20 performance round for So You Think You Can Dance season 3. mia michaels choreographed a contemporary piece for lacey and kameron.1) mia michaels is fab-ulous!! alright, disclaimer: i only know of a few choreographers out there, foreign and local. thus, i'm only basing such judgment on my limited

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-90621659459558234182007-08-10T10:26:00.001+08:002007-08-13T12:12:46.857+08:00

i chanced upon some youtube videos that some fans created out of their love for various characters in the harry potter books. i was unsurprisingly looking up for anything associated with the couple remus lupin and nymphadora tonks. apparently the song below was used for some other couples (be it as written by jkr herself or just some fans' personal preferences). anyway, i heard this song for one

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-54825919426252487852007-07-23T14:00:00.000+08:002007-07-23T14:10:04.122+08:00

The Harry Potter series has come to an end. (at least in book form)Do I feel sad? Not particularly. A tinge maybe. I guess a sense of longing is more apt. Some of my favourite characters died. Abruptly. But then for those who have read the book. Death apparently isn't the end.There can't be a Weasley twins spin off as I had hoped. That's what I'm saddest about I guess. Next would be the sweet but

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-45680020661523621622007-07-05T16:40:00.000+08:002007-07-05T16:42:22.759+08:00

It used to be Plainsunset. Now The Postal Service has taken over.And once again, it has been proven that I get into things late. Urgh.But. I still go back to my beloved Lamb of God. Hahahah.Anyway. I wanted to key in "inexplicable wave of sadness, frustration, longing. and just plain maddening." but that would defeat the purpose of actually proceeding to explain the nuances of my emotions and

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-19007973226427495042007-06-29T08:54:00.000+08:002007-06-29T09:12:57.857+08:00

- An excerpt from "Many issues about UNSW Asia unresolved as school shuts on Friday" featured on the Channel NewsAsia website 28 June 2007 -Over 330 applications were submitted to the local universities by students from UNSW Asia.Many had to spend a lot of time on the applications, just a few days before their UNSW examinations.Foreign students even had to sit for qualifying exams.But Channel

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-87226588381595330572007-06-25T15:11:00.000+08:002007-06-26T13:33:41.953+08:00

someone i shall nickname yt has made me squeal (softly) in delight.his voice just lights up the dreary work day.hahahaha. i sound so dramatic.i've been calling people for quotations and all that. and there is a particular guy whose voice i just so so so so dig. it's quite uplifting. quite happy-happy. just plain nice.and no. it's not as if i'm gonna call him just to hear his voice. this is just a

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-40859051069630284022007-06-25T11:55:00.000+08:002007-06-26T13:33:54.588+08:00

plainsunset - plainsunsetwelcome into this place i call my heart i call my homejust take a seat and kick your shoes off just relax enjoy the show it feels so good it feels so nice when someone's standing there aroundwatching everything you doeverything you do and now you've come around to me to see my plainsunset and now you've come around to me to see my plainsunsetit feels so good it feels so

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-90281353096922918462007-06-14T14:37:00.000+08:002007-06-14T17:43:03.435+08:00

As you can see. I am trying (trying is the imperative word) to focus on work. My gaze happened to land on this particular brochure for food thermometers (yes. those gadgets - if you can even call them that - have been occupying my mind for the past weeks). It seems apt for a post title trying to inconspicuously shout out that I need to pick up the slack and do actual work.Anyway.There have been

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-45913022566889384932007-06-13T10:21:00.000+08:002007-06-13T10:30:12.660+08:00

Bah.Someone once said to me that, "Girls from our school cannot handle failure. That's why we suck at relationships." I wanna disagree but two other girls concurred when I related those comments to them.Bah.However, I once overheard my AD mention to someone else that Singaporeans are not taught to handle failure. Is this really true? Were we brought up to learn to expect results and anything less

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-27174988649978095742007-06-11T09:17:00.000+08:002007-06-11T12:08:01.654+08:00

Times like these, I wish I could just shirk off responsibility, stay in bed and just cry. Think stupid thoughts and cry. Wallow in dumb self-pity. Hate myself for being weak. Cry some more. Feel fucked up for having stupid thoughts. Cry. and Cry. Cry. Cry.I meant those words I said to you in jest. But there seems to be no point in making it up to you. Or explaining what I really meant. Because it

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-26882594296407732542007-06-08T16:12:00.000+08:002007-06-08T16:19:42.817+08:00

harris called me at around 1am last night and woke me up from my reverie. our usual conversation will ensue with me responding sleepily without actually knowing what i'm responding to. then. i actually mumbled something to him along the lines of "you got sell food thermometers?"when he replied with a loud and incredulous "huh?!", i snapped out of it and said, "sorry, was dreaming." and went on, a

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-71079052295337053362007-05-29T15:22:00.000+08:002007-05-29T17:16:23.204+08:00

Death is a natural part of life. Death happens anytime and anywhere. But that doesn't make it easy to comprehend or accept.There has been quite abit of media coverage lately about deaths resulting from freak accidents. This is not to say that deaths do not occur just because the media doesn't cover them. It's... just more in your face. Especially for those who are not directly affected. Read the

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-12448658852257074512007-05-29T14:58:00.000+08:002007-05-29T15:01:14.420+08:00

- This is from the Online Straits Times Forum 26 May 2007 -I REFER to the letter, 'Memorial to NSmen who die while on duty' by Mr Lim Chong Leong (ST, May 16), and the reply, 'NSmen who die on duty are not forgotten' (ST, May 23), by Colonel Benedict Lim of the Ministry of Defence.Mr Lim made some pertinent points in according respect to NSmen who have made the ultimate sacrifice for the nation.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-45856072337639852112007-05-16T09:33:00.000+08:002007-05-16T10:33:37.947+08:00

- This is from the Online Straits Times Forum 16 May 2007 - THE sudden, horrific deaths of and serious injuries to our national servicemen in Taiwan came as a great shock. Young men in their prime about to embark on a promising career were stopped suddenly through no fault of their own. Their parents must have felt devastated to lose their sons in such circumstances.All Singapore parents with

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-6767462320947061522007-05-14T14:27:00.000+08:002007-05-14T16:01:55.550+08:00

Literally, an unfulfilled wish/intention.Last Friday, 11 May 2007, two SAF soldiers were killed in Taiwan when a Taiwanese jet crashed into a storeroom. One of them was 3rd Sergeant Isz Sazli Sapari.I do not know him or his family. But reading the article in Berita Minggu yesterday, I felt sorrow for his family and friends and just the fact a young promising life is lost. More specifically, the

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-79591630246289555152007-05-14T12:52:00.000+08:002007-05-16T10:37:05.181+08:00

- This is from the Straits Time Online Forum 14 May 2007 -I REFER to the recent letters on the illegal occupation of Iraq by American and British troops.Readers have referred to the Sept 11, 2001, tragedy as justification for the war, and congratulated America for protecting the rest of the world from 'terrorist-infested nations'.But al-Qaeda had little or no presence in Iraq prior to the

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-45986916909596239842007-05-13T01:54:00.000+08:002007-05-13T02:50:07.537+08:00

emo against an emo-less backdrop.being emo is nothing to be proud of i guess. it's just that i readily admit that i wear my heart on my sleeve. whatever it is, it has nothing to do with the emocore or screamo scenes currently in the rage now.i am emo. i like black eyeliner. i like black stuffs. since young. and i resent any association with those long fringes covering faces cum thick black

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-51193604055350512722007-05-11T12:45:00.000+08:002007-05-17T12:19:39.155+08:00

apropos to the Sept 11 06 post, i've mentioned that The Diary of Jane will be the ONLY song i like from Breaking Benjamin. man. i am so wrong la. i totally dig the vocals. i've ended up liking a few songs, particularly the one below, from their previous album - We Are Not Alone.Breaking Benjamin - So ColdIt's alrightIt's alrightIt's alrightIt's alright...bloody haunting. i dig benjamin burnley's

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-46060906659628595292007-05-11T01:07:00.000+08:002007-05-11T01:10:29.170+08:00

i am exasperated!! i have no idea why IE and Firefox are acting up on me. i can't use the blogger site as how i used to. the display for creating new posts is totally off kilter. there's some error with widget pop up thingy - i can't even add any page elements.i can gather there must be something missing or out of order. but seriously, how am i supposed to figure that one out? what IS wrong???can

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-19584949911654464452007-05-09T11:26:00.000+08:002007-05-09T11:40:41.290+08:00

ok ok. i know i havent updated my blog. i'll put in a tag board and some other thangs in soon enough. i hope.anyway. i am sick. flu! cough! throat infection! was surrounded by people who were ill last week. now is my down time. freak-0! my nose is red. da skin is peeeeling. gosh. runny noses suck. it's been on and off. on and off. on and off. on and off...bleeeeeargh.i need to look like i'm doing

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1157963634210766242006-09-11T16:31:00.000+08:002006-09-11T16:36:53.786+08:00

been listening to some new music. either new material or songs i just got to know about.Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sobertypical song from the band. 1. amy's vocals. 2. piano melody. 3. guitar riffs. i like it nonetheless. it's my feel good song of the moment. hey, every piece cant possibly be a masterpiece. especially if we can tolerate such high levels of mediocrity everyday. anyway. i

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1153106066716695702006-07-17T11:03:00.000+08:002006-07-17T11:14:26.763+08:00

i should stop reading ann rule books.i should.but i like reading them.the books leave me with some form of dread and an acute feeling of emptiness. therefore, rationally, it does seem better to stop reading her books.but then, the emotional me will plough ahead to read tales of other people's lives. not that i'm a busybody. just that the aberrant psyche of certain human beings both disgust and

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1150041640109146072006-06-11T23:58:00.000+08:002006-06-12T00:00:42.523+08:00

(fyi. title fom lamb of god lyrics.)i've read more crime stories recently. feeling some inexplicable sense of dread. dishonesty. lies. i feel really uncomfortable. i'm left feeling a bit worried. yes, i am full of questions. even i dont know why. (despite almost always having the urge to ask it) little nagging questions at da back of my head. i feel less secure somehow. i feel quite lost.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1149498867395363462006-06-05T17:13:00.000+08:002006-06-05T17:14:27.446+08:00

many a time, i've picked up calls from parents who wish to speak to the psychiatrists (or better known in laymen's terms as "doctors") here. their tone of voice indicated a confidence that they've built a strong rapport with the doctors and held no doubt the doctors will immediately answer their calls.initially, i get a bit bewildered. how can i possibly pass the call to the doctors? i mean,

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1149071831585725692006-05-31T18:35:00.000+08:002006-05-31T18:37:11.653+08:00

bit by bit i'm coming across words, tales, stories of woe written or told by other people about characteristics similar to a person i encountered some years ago.it's scary.ann rule wrote a book entitled above. reading the book didnt exactly give me the chills. it was a quite riveting read just because of the uncanny resemblance in behaviour between the person written about and the person

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1147703020265425392006-05-15T22:13:00.000+08:002006-05-15T22:23:42.533+08:00

enough shit about him.what can i say? what can i convey to make this anymore worthwhile?i've been thinking of death a whole lot lately. it scares me. (but apparently, not scared enough yet to repent and pay penance for all my sins.) i wonder how it'd be like. how the realm of the dead is like. no, i'm not itching to find out. i'm scared that i'll never be good enough as how i hope to be. let's

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1146819091270332292006-05-05T16:45:00.000+08:002006-05-05T16:53:59.680+08:00

first thang. a shout out to jojo. thank u so so so much!!gosh. i really love what he has said to me. he was actually able to make me feel complete in God knows how long. *grin*onward Gentarasa!! and Malam Jaluran Seni II!! hurhur.ok. enough outbursts. (off da record, i'm still not sure abt MJS II. should i take a breather or go straight on with tarian?)anyways. my posts so far have been dismal.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1146364606450473502006-04-30T09:21:00.000+08:002006-04-30T10:36:46.523+08:00

i went on a spree of talking/sms-ing ppl. ok peeps. tt was a rush. n wont come again until some time in da future.in some sense, it was good to hear fr different ppl whom i havent heard from in months, even years. i am truly sorry for going to any of u repeatedly when i was in tt form of emotional unstability. a part of me just wanna apologise again but i fear troubling u all - yet again. so i

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1145436534442570002006-04-19T16:45:00.000+08:002006-04-19T16:48:54.466+08:00

ok. i guess i should have some form of update for my blog. but it's like. who da freakin hell reads my blog anyway?? so yes, i'm lazy. no motivation to actually blog. bummer eh. dis is (as usual) some inane rambling to inject some 'life' into my blog.oh freak. i've used da word 'blog' like four times.anyway. i'll try to inject some more spice into dis thang. so for those who actually visit dis,

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1138773360273852792006-02-01T13:45:00.000+08:002006-02-01T13:56:00.283+08:00

i cant describe what i'm feeling. it's not an acute sense of pain. neither is it total emptiness. i don't exactly desperately long for him. i'm more calm about it now. although i may give in to bouts of crying later on. yes, i do admit i am disappointed with myself for getting into this. i saw the signs but i did not heed them. i had a nagging feeling that i had to go through it to understand

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1136219551090126382006-01-03T00:27:00.000+08:002006-01-03T00:32:31.103+08:00

there are many things he did which made me upset and angry.however, he did something nice by staying with me when i realised i lost my wallet just now. he was to go off and meet his friends but he didnt. it was a simple act which i am grateful for. it made me love him a bit more and now i miss him.am i truly blind to his other traits which shouldve sent me running away long ago?i dont know. i

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1135308573371642692005-12-23T11:29:00.000+08:002005-12-23T11:30:14.250+08:00

could i? should i?ditto to previous post. mcr! fwaaaaaargh.maelstrom of emotions and thoughts. daYmn. love the word. hurhur.ANYWAY. it just felt odd. quite violated in some ways. i felt toyed with somehow. but then, i allowed myself to be. so, it's my fault. there was a tinge of jealousy. and it confirmed my suspicions. at times, i feel as if he is debauching me. he claimed to not have the

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1135235661405404902005-12-22T15:17:00.000+08:002005-12-22T15:18:13.910+08:00

mcr just rocks for their moribund lyrics. fwaaaaaargh.it has been more than a month. usual reasons apply.i hate myself sometimes. i've been such a damn sloth. i haven't been getting a grip on myself. fuck fuck fuck fuck. i sense some form of progress. aint much. but it is there. and i must be thankful.caught a glimpse of the aftermath of last year's tsunami tragedy on cna. i'm a sucker. i like to

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1131990510620342332005-11-15T01:49:00.000+08:002005-11-16T09:51:26.726+08:00

i'm about to start on a post which isnt entirely negative and isnt after a particularly wretched incident.as usual, dom's posts have a knack for 'inciting' me to blog. or maybe, he's just better at elucidating his thoughts for (not quite) all and sundry. his post about forgiving and forgetting just reminds me of what i feel as a particularly bad episode in my life some years back. it was totally

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1131478658895199352005-11-09T03:38:00.000+08:002005-11-09T03:41:09.386+08:00

somehow or other, the night often leaves me a sense of foreboding. i guess it has often been that way. (although at this moment, i am freaking amused. hahahaha. my insides are definitely keeling over from laughing so damn much)i love the guy. so much. but it's such a warped sense of love. i'm currently reading singled out by trisha ashley and i can definitely identify with the main character's

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1131028191588030422005-11-03T22:30:00.000+08:002005-11-03T22:30:01.066+08:00

hahah. i just had to have such a header. as a shout out to dom, he has a knack for 'inspiring' me to blog.simple pleasures?i am wary of having to be wary all the time. i just wanna be free and believe. it is freaking tiring to be on my toes and avoid those fragile egg shells. hell yeah, it IS a defence mechanism and i admit i will be far more wasted than how i am right now if i didnt utilise it.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1130260244357195862005-10-26T01:12:00.000+08:002005-10-26T01:10:44.420+08:00

disclaimer: this is the title of a dance choreographed by kak lin from teater tari era (era dance theatre). and up till now, i still do not know what it means.the song for the dance is on repeat mode on my winamp player. hence, the title. it's been giving me ideas for what i wish to include if i were to ever choreograph again. quite lovely, vivid and wild imaginations i have. hurhur.right now.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1128799055140474962005-10-09T03:18:00.000+08:002005-10-09T03:17:35.146+08:00

yeayness.despite such messed up thoughts and moods. i've reached the conclusion he's not worth my sincerity. but hey. i do believe there's something to be learnt from this. so, i'm still hanging on. although barely by the thread.anyway. yeayness.FINALLY gotten the gentarasa video. wahaha. yeayness. like the pekanbaru terikat dance too. plus era's malam kilir jati dance. woohooo. talk about fire

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1128676187369164682005-10-07T17:10:00.000+08:002005-10-07T17:09:47.420+08:00

previous post heading was courtesy of Aiden. this one just above is courtesy of My Chemical Romance.(that was done in case anyone accuses me of ripping off their lyrics without due credit.)since the previous post, i met up with him four times after a real downer in the middle of last week. when thangs looked up, i guess we tried to meet up as much as possible before the fasting month.(on a

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1127414889784817062005-09-23T02:48:00.000+08:002005-09-23T02:48:09.840+08:00

how can one person flood me with so many conflicting thoughts and emotions?i do not want a repeat of yesteryears. can i trust myself to know that this time round IS different from before? why such a question? simply because my heart is telling me that it IS different where i am now. but somehow, i doubt can i really believe it. yeah. i am full of ambivalence.who the hell wants to be manipulated?

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1127239884263564922005-09-21T02:12:00.000+08:002005-09-21T02:11:24.300+08:00

aight. nothing of much relevance lately. oklah. nothing much of relevance that i'm willing to divulge in full, anyway. furthermore, i'm too embarassed to actually elucidate from the previous post. hahaah. come on, i read my own post all over and i got quite sheepish.i got quite freaked out yesterday (or should it be the day before yesterday?). lost in my own thoughts and very imagined fears. i

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1126757027495858202005-09-15T14:51:00.000+08:002005-09-15T14:51:59.506+08:00

"Now the day has comeWe are forsaken this time"- Within Temptation -i'm feeling a tad poignant, thus the "forsaken" title.supposedly went clubbing at zouk with dom and friends. (hah! right.) he and his friends obviously went to mambo while del and i went to phuture. hahah. how come it often comes back to just both of us, girl??? all i can say is, thankfully i did meet up the person i was supposed

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1126629277581538892005-09-14T01:15:00.000+08:002005-09-14T01:13:11.353+08:00

apologies to those who actually visit this ancient site. i'm too lazy to update. as how my mom would say it, "your heart gotta be in it". and well, my heart hasn't been into the blogging mode. yea, i have time on my hands. but blogging seems to take too much effort at this point of time. hell, i was supposed to upload pics of my pekanbaru trip so that people can see the pics. but i haven't gotten

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1124472757088415502005-08-20T01:31:00.000+08:002005-09-13T23:29:59.646+08:00

i managed to get an ok pic of jim!!!woohoo! i wasn't excited but hell, i was freaking entertained! this is like late la. but u can't blame a girl who's busy with dance and stuffs. heh. the sound was good. they played well. i guess it was all short cos they couldn't do alot of their crazy shit. they couldn't really extend the whole gig with their antics. so they took it in their stride and just

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1124097143798601312005-08-15T17:14:00.000+08:002005-08-15T17:12:23.806+08:00

august sixteenth two-oh-oh-five. gosh. will they really be coming? haha. granted i am NOT as excited as i would be, uh lets say, a year ago. i really doubt i'll be disappointed if they didn't come. hahahaha! i won't start with all the derogatory terms to describe slipknot but i guess since i've started listening to others bands, my enthusiasm for them is rather diluted. well. lamb of god was

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1123752735746196942005-08-11T17:32:00.000+08:002005-08-11T17:32:15.756+08:00

it has been a miasma of thoughts and emotions. i can't possibly remember every detail and nuance of emotions felt and it'd probably a too long post if i did. so once again, i'm stuck and unsure of where to begin.it hasn't exactly been a rollercoaster ride. there weren't any too high 'highs' or too low 'lows'. but it has been a mess of contradictory thoughts and conclusions. why can't i put it all

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1123043368734500862005-08-03T12:30:00.000+08:002005-08-03T12:31:35.180+08:00

i know. i know. (seriously, i should stop acknowledging the fact that i dont update my blog often)anyway. i've been encumbered by these freaking headaches since two or so weeks ago. it has been a literal head throbbing experience. it does not forgive and seeks to make a comeback almost everyday. to the point of knocking on my head twice or thrice in a day.urgh i hate this.what can i say? i did go

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1121825012061840602005-07-20T10:30:00.000+08:002005-07-20T10:27:32.073+08:00

first thing. too busy la.second thing. yanni said that this is a 'thinking blog'. so there. HAH!i skip books often. i'll read one halfway through and switch to another. (depending on how heavy my bag is that day) i still havent finished 'The Unholy Ghost' and started on 'The Talented Mr Ripley'. [ricky darling. I'll return the book to you before you leave aight.] and i actually started on kay

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1121395565865246172005-07-15T10:50:00.000+08:002005-07-15T10:46:05.913+08:00

apropos the previous post, this is just an extension of my warped imagination.it seems poignant what i suddenly observed. in death, all prayers count. whether from family, friends, acquaintances, fellow followers of your religion. sometimes, we're too caught up with our emotions that we forget that we cannot dictate what others feel towards us. that person whom you conveniently forgot about may

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1121218976501357282005-07-13T12:36:00.000+08:002005-07-18T09:31:02.590+08:00

decided at the last minute to go watch jubilee emas sriwana. (1st thang. why the title of such a production??) oh. i only went cos i didnt hafta pay. hey. its almost like a review ticket. of which i feel compelled to do. but aint sure if i have the time or audacity to do so. with rapid technological advancements, the lay people can easily google 'jubilee emas sriwana' and click on every site that

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120846822962662082005-07-09T02:22:00.000+08:002005-07-09T02:23:26.926+08:00

0107 melancholy aside. london tragedy. an atrocity, definitely. it brings back memories of the 9/11 period. the disbelief. the slight tension in gp class. namely me and the gp tutor. urgh. it sucked being the only Malay in the class. albeit not the only Muslim. ok. digressed slightly. i apologise. i am past indignation. i guess my vantage point IS slightly different. and i admit to being slightly

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120637780761893242005-07-06T16:19:00.000+08:002005-07-06T16:16:20.843+08:00

i would love to leave it at the "post season of brilliance" entries segala. but time moves on and emotions never stay the same. the mood is kinda sombre at the moment. its the end of everything fun and ahem scandalous in the past weeks. its the start of the end of something great ive experienced. kinda looking to tomorrow (figuratively) with trepidation. what will this future bring me now? i had

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531272020948012005-07-05T12:15:00.000+08:002005-07-05T11:37:08.090+08:00

tsk tsk. caught in the act.and oh. can somebody please please tell me what you think yao long is doing to bayle? i can hardly sleep trying to figure it out. so you kind souls out there. pleeeeeeease get back to me on it ya? i thank thee.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531450848340132005-07-05T12:05:00.000+08:002005-07-05T11:37:29.356+08:00

seriously marcus. what's with the butt showing and dodgy tshirt? i mean we all love you. but this is way too much. sometimes subtlety works too...

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531567775731552005-07-05T11:57:00.000+08:002005-07-05T11:37:47.926+08:00

trying to look strappingly male.awwww. look at marcus. july 1st was just your day wasnt it? so girls. tell me. which do you prefer? black or white? hurhur.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531615975004062005-07-05T11:46:00.000+08:002005-07-05T11:40:35.413+08:00

joel can actually trust bayle and yao long with those scissors. *shudder*and looky here. joel's contemplating a career in hair cutting. i on the other hand personally think he should consider a career as a bouncer. look at him, he's bound to make those errant clubbers think twice about creating a ruckus. but hey. that's just my opinion.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531766496831992005-07-05T11:24:00.000+08:002005-07-05T11:59:31.590+08:00

howdy ricky!we went to the thai embassy opposite far east shopping centre. there was some thailand fiesta of sorts. i wanted to go for the foot massage thingy!! but alas, not enough time and well it was of course quite expensive. 25 bucks fer half hour. at least del thought it was ex. i ate beef noodles from the siam kitchen stall. i like the beef. that's all i can say. yum.apparently there was

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531812590921612005-07-05T11:09:00.000+08:002005-07-05T14:54:50.940+08:00

pink + green!i like the colour combination!! this is us. oklah you can only see ricky and lee jen here. this is us on the tibs service 190 going back to office.ricky's fingers i'm very sure.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120531939286064782005-07-05T10:59:00.000+08:002005-07-05T15:00:31.400+08:00

ricky tryin to get in the pic.ok. this is just ONE of a series of pics me and del alternately took by ourselves. hey. its hard trying to keep still on a moving bus!! and ricky was soooo tryin to get in the pics. yes. i love you dear ricky. we'll take more pics of the 3 of us next time aight. and looky at del and me. toothy grins abound!! hurhur.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120532055677220262005-07-05T10:41:00.000+08:002005-07-05T15:20:53.566+08:00

happy tree friend!!yes joel. that IS your msn display pic. dont you just feel honoured that 3 girls would afford time away from doing crossword to reply to your msn message? feel proud my man. i am sure not many men out there can boast of such an achievement.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120548380587071782005-07-05T10:28:00.000+08:002005-07-05T15:33:40.203+08:00

concentrating hard...yes. we love yahoo crossword. so full of american jargon that only ricky would know. and it was darling ricky who got us hooked on it. i'm just so bloody amused at the way these two are concentrating on it. wow. miss the days when ricky was here. ricky i missssss you!!!

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120379528513280232005-07-03T17:17:00.000+08:002005-07-04T10:04:43.066+08:00

it's damn smoky in clubs. obviously. so pardon the blurriness.. hahah i think i look weird. i sure as hell didnt know what look i wanted to achieve. sorry la! running out of clubbing clothes. really. like really. really. bleargh. my make up also! gosh under the flash. the make up just looks all wrong. completely. ok DIGRESS!! ricky looks quite red. i think it was just after she downed her drinks.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1120032984485747092005-06-29T16:00:00.000+08:002005-07-01T13:12:20.733+08:00

The Birthday Girl.Anyway. There were a few of us. Mostly the rg gang. Plus Liza, Najeeb (i think that's how it's spelt) and Hajar's boyfriend. We had dinner at Hard Rock Cafe. Nachos. Nachos. Nachos. Reminiscent of Nuovo at KL. Clubbing!!! Hahhaha. (anyway sssshhhh. i dont want certain ppl to know. hah!)It wasn't particularly fantastic but it was pleasant enough. I haven't seen some of them for

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1119508084237331562005-06-23T14:28:00.000+08:002005-06-23T14:31:36.393+08:00

ricky gave me flowers! Gentarasa was on saturday, june 18 2005. was it good? way better than last year's. but too much repeated elements. i felt it wasn't as raw as it should be. in some ways i wish it was better developed. but i can't complain. i think i learnt abit more of my strengths and what i wish to improve on.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1119507999723799852005-06-23T14:26:00.000+08:002005-06-23T14:33:47.686+08:00

Gentarasa 2005 it was an experience. it was fun. it was tiring. hell it was tiring. (but somehow not as much as i think it could have) what else can i say about it? i can't say i miss the people. cos i seriously don't. i do miss the intensity of the practices. i wish we practised longer so i can better cultivate my strengths, learn more, yada yada. oklah. i sound like some preppy exemplary

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1119506282945393222005-06-23T11:36:00.000+08:002005-06-23T14:32:57.550+08:00

dance. i love it. but my parents dont exactly approve. my mom has been dropping hints for me to stop. gosh. i dunno what to say to her. i like it. since gentarasa, i really feel like pursuing it a tad further. as in really trying to tell myself to improve. since i'm currently sucking in other areas (especially academic-wise). seriously. sometimes i feel like a failure. i really feel like i'm not

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1119497570840336532005-06-23T11:31:00.000+08:002005-06-23T11:32:50.840+08:00

ok. i wanna add some more shit here. so many. so many. so many. i wanna sleep actually. but hell. so freaking many. i feel so un-intellectual. help.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1119496542521859282005-06-23T10:54:00.000+08:002005-06-23T11:34:33.330+08:00

ok. trying to consolidate my thoughts, my everything. there have been a lot of happenings since my entry in uh, January. YES i know i haven't updated in like 5 months. no time. no interest. i've been on a high for so long. i just fear crashing.admittedly, i AM happier. i am so freaking glad (and syukur alhamdullilah) i got out of that rut. YES that miserable rut for God knows how long. i realise

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1119494838018419632005-06-23T10:44:00.000+08:002005-06-23T11:35:19.656+08:00

its been so so so so damn farking long. i dont know exactly why i'm startin this all over again. i think i'm about to burst. so many emotions. i miss writing in my diary. but i never make the time to write. i miss flipping through pages. writing my thoughts and feelings. the tear stained pages. oh gosh. the memories. i feel so cut off from myself. i get the feeling that this isn't me. why why

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1106903875195862382005-01-28T17:06:00.000+08:002005-01-28T17:25:59.053+08:00

argh. i'm at work. n da last day of my 1st week had to be so damn boring. tu lah. nak habiskan kerja cepat sangat. skarang tgh boring. sighz. da office is quite quiet today. except for da incessant ringing of da phone in da cubicle next to mine. GET IT ALREADY. DA PERSON'S NOT IN. sigh. chingay full dress rehearsal tomorrow. i'm not lookin forward to it. esp with that costume - disgustingly

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5447013.post-1104413016901046452004-12-30T21:22:00.000+08:002004-12-30T21:23:36.900+08:00

it's been so damn long. n i just know dis wont last. cos i suck at html. n i so won't update. so why bother?? i have i have i have no idea.

Zul Aliyanoreply@blogger.com0